I want the strength to let go.
- from Sweet Serendipity by Lee DeWyze
How did I get here? How do I move forward? Those are the questions I ask myself every minute of every day...
Letting go of what has become my life over the past 21 years is quite a daunting task. I'm questioning every decision I make and, thus, making so many mistakes. I have searched for strength to let go anywhere I could...in friends, in music, in inspirational quotations. I now realize that all I've succeeded to do is hide from myself, my pain. I can no longer hide. The pain won't let me... It's time to face all that I've been feeling. It's time to start moving forward with what I have and to stop waiting for answers and for resolution to come. I know this...but, oh, how the fear and loneliness torture me... So...today, I am going to start moving and stop hiding. I MUST face the fear and fight the loneliness. If I stay here, in hiding, I will surely cease to be... And ceasing to be is NOT an option.
I have no choice but to face what is my life. To take the cards that I have been dealt and make the best plays I can to try to win the game. So far, I seem to be losing every hand...but with each hand lost, I am learning more about how to play the game. One day I will win a hand...I hope. Maybe then I'll find that Sweet Serendipity...
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me;" - Excerpt from Psalms 23:4
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