Sisyphean - endless and unavailing, as labor or a task.
In Greek mythology, Sisyphus (pronounced /ˈsɪsəfəs/) was a king punished by being compelled to roll a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this throughout eternity. Prometheus was chained to a rock and had two vultures come and eat out his liver every day. Another sat in a pool of water, but every time he tried to get a drink, the water disappeared. All of this took place in Tartarus. May as well have been called "life" in my opinion...
Seems I've lived a sisyphean existence for a long time. I've stayed in an unfulfilling relationship for 21 years. Why you say? The short answer is fear. Fear of what I may never find, and... of what I might find. Fear of being alone. Fear of change. Fear of fear???
Pandora's box has been opened. All that I had allowed to bind me now seems so insignificant. Prometheus has now been unchained. I now seek change, swiftly and aggressively. I now see the truth of my confinement. I can now attack my fears by coming face to face with them. They constantly seek to push me backwards. Try to take away what is mine. Put doubts in my mind. But, as Tom Petty sings, "I Won't Back Down". I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of playing games. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. I want to breathe in the truth of who I am and who I can be.
Some in my life seek to stop my journey. To my surprise, many more have rallied around me to lift me up. On this new journey, I have already made wrong turns and took curves too sharply, but I now know who I am. Who I am meant to be. I will not lose her again. I will not continue this Sisyphean existence.
"Truth alone will endure, all the rest will be swept away before the tide of time. I must continue to bear testimony to truth even if I am forsaken by all. Mine may today be a voice in the wilderness, but it will be heard when all other voices are silenced, if it is the voice of Truth." Mahatma Gandhi
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